Getting Through the Good Times...

I have lived with "a glass half-empty" approach most of my life. In the last two years, things have started to change. I am shifting from looking for excuses and acting like a victim to realizing that I am responsible for my actions. I have an obligation to God to look at life as a gift and live it out accordingly. Most of my destructive patterns have taken a backseat to healthier ones, although I am aware that I will never be completely immune. Andraea (my fiance) has had a huge part to play in this Copernican Revolution (You know, Copernicus, the sun is the center of the universe, not the earth, guy). I am thankful to her for that.

Right now, life is pretty darn good. Andraea and I look forward to our wedding day more and more as it approaches. Her best friends and family will be there and my best friends and family will be there. Even my buddies from Mozambique are going to be able to make it!! (Daniel and Kristy Byrd - http://luvbyrds.blogspot.com/) Her friends from Poland are going to be there (John and Zaba Crozier - www.proem.pl). Ministry is going well. It's just challenging enough to keep me from getting stale or burned out. I am seeking what it means to preach for life change, not just information transfer. I love what I do, I am in love with my future wife, and I have some pretty cool people around me.

I am learning to love the Lord more and more as well. I still don't give Him all He deserves, though. I guess I never will, but I really don't give Him the time, energy, affection, and devotion that He is so worthy of. Dependency on Jesus for Daily Bread seems to be a bit easier in the down times for me. Call it classical conditioning, but I have learned to swim in the deep waters of desperation throughout my life.

I was listening to a Bible study on Philippians 4 about 2 months ago. My buddy, Nick Jackson, actually said that Philippians 4:13 has become so cliche (and possibly misused) because it's been taken out of context. His opinion was that Paul never meant for it to be separated from the previous verses:

"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:11-13

Nick went on to explain that it's not always the ones who are desperate that need to remember they "can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". Sometimes, the ones who have everything going for them need that reminder just as much. In fact, it is inevitable that our seasons will change. Learning to get through the good times as well as the hard times seems to be the Apostle Paul's "secret of being content".

He probably learned it from spending large quantities of time with Jesus. Jesus doesn't change - good times or bad. The world is filled with people who allow external circumstances to jack their emotions up. I know, I'm one of 'em. But, I am learning. One of the greatest things that Andraea has ever said to me in relation to how to get through the good times and the bad ones is this, "We shouldn't change - God doesn't".

Turning Evil into Good...

I love the story of Joseph in the Old Testament. I remember Mom reading to me out of one of those picture Bible Books when I was little. I was always fascinated by Joseph's life. He gets thrown into a big hole for no good reason, sold away from home and family, then elevated to a prestigious position in Egypt. His boss's wife lies to her husband and Joseph gets thrown in jail. Somewhere along the line, he interprets dreams - even Pharaoh's dream, and eventually becomes the number 2 man in all of Egypt - the most powerful nation in the world at that time. I'm sure Joseph looked back and had absolutely no explanation as to why or how the events of his life unfolded, but he was thankful for the experiences - even the painful ones.

I was watching the Simpson's yesterday and Marge gets in trouble and has to go to anger management classes for her newfound disease: Road Rage. Chief Wiggum is directing the class and starts out by saying this, "So, we're going to break you down to the level of infants, then build you back up to respectable members of society. Then, after lunch, we'll break you down again and if we have time we'll build you back up."

Life feels like this sometimes, whether by our decisions, or by what seems to be God's design for our lives. Up, then back down; great stuff happening, with evil hot on our heels.

I was on my way to work out one day about a month ago. I had every intention as I set out on my journey to go to Cardinal Fitness, but at the last moment, I decided that it was such a beautiful day and that it would be tragic to waste it. I turned into a park about 200 yards from my house. I parked in the parking lot, left the keys in the car, and started out on a run. The track is right next to the cars as you start out but circles away. It's not a very big park and it wasn't a very long track - probably 1/4 mile.

About 5 minutes into my run a Dodge Ram pulled in right beside my car. I was a little annoyed because there was a big parking lot - no need to park right beside me. About 5 minutes later a Green Jeep Cherokee parked right next to the Dodge Ram. A man and woman met in the Dodge Ram and were looking at something in the back of the truck. I started feeling a little funny, but thought that I needed to finish my run. On my last lap, as I turned the corner, I saw my car driving away. I ran as fast as I could with my arms in the air, but they were gone. They left the Dodge Ram, but that truck was stolen as well. They got my car, my cell phone, my wallet, and my new watch. OUCH!!

I told some people in my church and the Body of Christ began to show how beautiful she can be when she does what she's supposed to do. My church provided money and a new car. Well, not exactly new, but new to me. She is actually a '91 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser Station Wagon and I am happier than I ever was with the Hyundai Elantra. I mean that.

Evil turned to good in a matter of two weeks. God does it all the time. In fact, it's been my experience that this is the consistent pattern of God's work in His children's lives. Through death, troubles, bad decisions on the part of family members, spouses, or friends, whatever - God takes ashes and makes them beautiful. He takes evil and turns it into good. He takes dry bones and clothes them with flesh and skin and tells them to walk again for His good purposes and plans. Job, Joseph, David, Peter, Clint Reed, you. It happens all the time and it's all part of the beautiful picture that God is painting and will continue to paint for eternity. I believe we will look back on our lives one day and have gratitude in our hearts for the things that have happened, are happening, and will happen - even the painful ones. Without the painful ones, we might not be the people God wants us to be.

"Safe, who said anything about being safe. Of course He's not safe...but He's good."
- Mr. Beaver about Aslan in C.S. Lewis's The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe

What A Difference 2 Months Makes...

Two months gone by and life is completely different. I have a new car because the old one was stolen. I have a new job because people have left. I am engaged and will be married in less than two months.

I feel completely different than I did two months ago. It's hard to believe that such a short time has elapsed. The title of this post is loosely based on that ole' cliche, "What a difference a day makes." Well, not loosely based at all. I have found this is true when I really slow down and approach each day with the respect it deserves.

Lamentations 3:22-23 says,

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."

This is just another reason for me to be thankful that I am a child of God. I am so different than I was a year ago. I'd like to say that I worked really hard to improve my emotional stability and physical fitness, but the truth of the matter is that I could have worked harder. I don't know that it would have mattered. The God that lives inside of me has changed me and continues to change me in spite of myself. I am seeing things differently more and more. The things I once loved pale in comparison to what I have now and will even more as time goes on. The person I was is repulsive to me and will eventually fade into a distant memory.


The only condition as far as I see it is that I continue to wake up and remember that it's "because of the Lord's great love that I am not consumed". What a difference 2 months makes!! Who knows what will happen next. I think that I am simply responsible for remembering who is behind it all.

The Campground Retreat

This past week, I had a chance to lead worship for a kids' camp at Camp Allendale. I have been to many weeks of camp, but this is one of the best I can remember. The leadership was stellar. There was something for the kids to do every moment from sunup to sundown. There were backup plans and backup plans for the backup plans. The volunteers (including myself) were treated like royalty. We had all of the snacks and treats that could possibly be imagined. I even had a Klondike bar that had Sara Lee cheesecake inside the chocolate shell. I know, right? Who even invents these kinds of sweet treats? And how many more of them are out there that I don't know about? I felt like Templeton the Rat in Charlotte's Web at the fairgrounds - "a smorgasbord..."

Another observation was how selfless everyone was. Everyone was relaxed and enjoying their days and nights, even the campers. The kids were amazing! The age group was just young enough that they weren't worried about guy/girl things yet. That will come in two or three years. And, through it all, we learned about Christ, we sang to Him, we did our best to give Him glory through all that we did.

I had an incredible week. I wasn't worried about ESPN, FOXnews, relationships, administration, Church conflict, bills, rattling car engines, busted up lawnmowers, the next step, etc.

The continuing thought for me was "this just isn't reality". This was a dream land full of carpet ball, 4-square, Frisbee Golf, and canteen times. No making beds, steel-pipe lead-locked schedules, competition for dollars and members and recognition. But, the counter-thought is that maybe this is more of what reality should be like and will be like someday. There was a freedom there at Camp Allendale that I hadn't felt in a really long time. There was a weightlessness and clarity to almost every moment of every day.

For now, it's back to life and back to reality, but I will do my best not to forget the lessons learned during those three and a half days at the Campground Retreat.

The Sin of Self-Pity...

I have rediscovered My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers. More often than not, this little devotional book has something specific to say to me. There was a particular thought that stood out to me in today's reading:

"What does it matter if external circumstances are hard? Why should they not be! If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we banish God's riches from our own lives and hinder others from entering into His provision. No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it bliterates God and puts self-interest upon the throne. It opens our mouths to spit out mumurings and our lives become craving spiritual sponges, there is nothing lovely or generous about them."

I have found this to be true in my life recently. I am so worried about everything going on around me that I have forgotten that the life I have chosen is one of self-denial. I don't say that with pride, that's just how I believe life is to be lived. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to allow what's going on in other peoples' lives, situations at church, my past, etc. to get in the way of pouring my energies out for other people. There are little windows in the day where I realize how destructive this is. I get to a point where I am checking and re-checking my e-mails hoping that a message from someone will be the piece of information I need to turn things around. "Maybe I'll read something profound, maybe I'll get a call, maybe someone will stop by my office" and on and on. I guess John Mayer would say I'm waiting on the world to change. The truth is that I have been given the tools to initiate change in the world. I can't realize this if I'm always worried about my petty problems.

I've got to find my way out of this "feeling sorry for myself" rut. It's paralyzing. I'm not being the man I should be. I'm not loving people like I should. I am self-absorbed and whiny and am absolutely disgusted with what I see in myself.

If I take a hard look at my life, there is absolutely nothing to feel sorry for. There is nothing to complain about. There is nothing that should absorb my energies for other people. Plus, there's a lot that needs to be done around me and a lot of responsibilty rests on my shoulders to help get the work done.

Maybe I should be a painter...

My girlfriend, Andraea Christner, opened her own business back in January - Sophia's Bridal, Tux, and Prom. I helped in the construction process of the store. Actually, all I did was help paint and put some flooring down. But, I really enjoyed it.

I am a worship leader at Mount Pleasant Christian Church in Greenwood, IN. "I believe that the church is the most powerful organism for change in the world," someone once said. I agree with that statement. My "job" can be very frustrating sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I feel very privileged, honored, and blessed to do what I do. But, there are so many times when I don't see tangible results in my line of work; no fruits of my labor. People always come back with, "well, just know that you're storing up treasures in heaven." True, but sometimes that answer doesn't satisfy.

However, today was a different day. I have been teaching guitar to Cody Johnson. He's twelve, plays soccer, wears Pumas, and is really, really quiet. We have had two one-hour sessions and he already knows 4 chords (G, C, Em, and D for you guitar players). Since Cody is so quiet, I have wondered what he's thinking. I wonder if he's really getting anything out of the lessons.

His mom, Lori, caught me this morning on her way to aerobics up here at the church. She told me that he was "so excited" when he got home from guitar lessons last night. His brother and sister "were in awe" and this guitar thing "is his glory". She said that he was thinking about playing a worship song that I taught him at the school talent show in three weeks. One of the greatest parts about the story is that he's light years ahead of where I was in my development as far as guitar goes. What a cool kid!!

I envy painters and construction workers sometimes. They begin a project from nothing and by the end of the project, they can see the results of the work of their hands. Then, they move on and start all over again. Some projects are probably really simple and some are challenging.

After my girlfriend's shop (Sophia's) was completely painted, I thought about being a painter for about a week. I mean, I really contemplated a career change. But, I know that's not what I'm supposed to be doing. My job doesn't always have visible results, but when the Cody Johnsons of the world appear on the scene, God nudges me on with just the right amount of encouragement.

Getting Better...

I keep thinking that life is going to get better. I always assumed that as you get older, you learn from your mistakes, you settle down, you make more money, you find the one you love, you get smarter, etc. I guess the other side to getting older is that you're closer to dying. Let's be honest. Your body gets tired faster, your mind has more to deal with and if you don't keep yourself in check, you could get really cynical.

Maybe I just need to redefine what "getting better" looks like. I have so many memories that I wish I could dispose of or replace. I have so many aches and pains that I don't remember having even 2 or 3 years ago. I am waking up to the way that systems operate in this world and I don't like what I see. I hear that people are relatively "good", but I see very little commitment or movement toward something bigger than any one individual. I am just as guilty as everyone else I judge. Everyone's so busy and getting busier. Most people are looking for their own comfort and stability.

Tragedies seem less cutting than they were when I was younger. Are there just more of them or is this what happens as you get older? My favorite sports teams don't excite me like they used to. Are the athletes less like teams and more like individuals and therefore lending themselves to be less likeable? Music sticks with me for less time than I remember. Is the quality of music down or have I just heard too much of it?

I know, I'm too young to be this cynical.

One of my greatest friends in the world is 69 years old and has told me over and over that "you're as young as you choose to feel". This is a coping mechanism, albeit a very effective one for many, many people. I'm sure you've heard a different version of the same thought process. So, is this the key to getting better? Do we continue to fool ourselves and circumvent those things that are in the deep and dark recesses of our minds so that we can cope with the junk that life constantly deals out? Do we compare ourselves to those suffering around the world so that we can say that we have nothing to complain about? "At least life isn't like that." Are our circumstances any less real that theirs?

I'm just frustrated because I had so many expectations about life and how it was going to play out. Maybe that's the key. No expectations. One day at a time, moment by moment...Maybe I draw on the strength of the good times - you know the laugh 'till you cry, fresh smell of grass for the first time in the season, the changing of the leaves in the fall, the crystal clear nights even in the big city, the goose bumps that come from reading something probing and profound, the emotions that swell from a really good musical composition, truly resting on a vacation, an unexpected act of kindness...

There's much to be thankful for. There's much to be cynical about. Maybe the getting better is found in focusing on the first one.

Silence...

SO, this is my second shot at blogging. Everyone in the world has one and I worry that I will be another ripple in a rather large pond. I have realized, however, that I need a release. I need a way to get these continuous thoughts out of my head. Maybe that's why blogging is so popular...

Last night I was talking with my girlfriend, Andraea. We were wrapped up in an interesting conversation about how I have immersed myself so deeply with noise that I am addicted to it. Anyone else know what I'm talking about? I always have to have something playing in the background. Music, sermons, sports radio, commercial ads, etc. Sometimes, I listen intently. Sometimes, it's just there because I have taught myself to need it.

The truth is, when I try to get to a place where all is quiet, I get restless. I feel uncomfortable and alone and it's really, really hard to concentrate. I've got to find my way out of this.

I have found that words from a sentence in the middle of conversation will bring up a song. Everyday, ordinary sounds will produce a beat in my head that I heard while I was listening to iTunes in my office. This is cute at times, but I have begun to see a disturbing trend. I am becoming shallow.

Great thinkers need large amounts of time to stew, to brood quietly, to marinate. I am not saying that I am a deep thinker by any means, but I want to be. I grab what I consider to be a deep thought, get excited, and turn on a song. The thought flies away.

I have to get back to a place where silence is part of my day - a large part of my day. I have to think. I want to improve. I want to be deeper. I believe silence is a medium which can help me achieve these things.