Getting Better...

I keep thinking that life is going to get better. I always assumed that as you get older, you learn from your mistakes, you settle down, you make more money, you find the one you love, you get smarter, etc. I guess the other side to getting older is that you're closer to dying. Let's be honest. Your body gets tired faster, your mind has more to deal with and if you don't keep yourself in check, you could get really cynical.

Maybe I just need to redefine what "getting better" looks like. I have so many memories that I wish I could dispose of or replace. I have so many aches and pains that I don't remember having even 2 or 3 years ago. I am waking up to the way that systems operate in this world and I don't like what I see. I hear that people are relatively "good", but I see very little commitment or movement toward something bigger than any one individual. I am just as guilty as everyone else I judge. Everyone's so busy and getting busier. Most people are looking for their own comfort and stability.

Tragedies seem less cutting than they were when I was younger. Are there just more of them or is this what happens as you get older? My favorite sports teams don't excite me like they used to. Are the athletes less like teams and more like individuals and therefore lending themselves to be less likeable? Music sticks with me for less time than I remember. Is the quality of music down or have I just heard too much of it?

I know, I'm too young to be this cynical.

One of my greatest friends in the world is 69 years old and has told me over and over that "you're as young as you choose to feel". This is a coping mechanism, albeit a very effective one for many, many people. I'm sure you've heard a different version of the same thought process. So, is this the key to getting better? Do we continue to fool ourselves and circumvent those things that are in the deep and dark recesses of our minds so that we can cope with the junk that life constantly deals out? Do we compare ourselves to those suffering around the world so that we can say that we have nothing to complain about? "At least life isn't like that." Are our circumstances any less real that theirs?

I'm just frustrated because I had so many expectations about life and how it was going to play out. Maybe that's the key. No expectations. One day at a time, moment by moment...Maybe I draw on the strength of the good times - you know the laugh 'till you cry, fresh smell of grass for the first time in the season, the changing of the leaves in the fall, the crystal clear nights even in the big city, the goose bumps that come from reading something probing and profound, the emotions that swell from a really good musical composition, truly resting on a vacation, an unexpected act of kindness...

There's much to be thankful for. There's much to be cynical about. Maybe the getting better is found in focusing on the first one.